Lessons
by Magdelope
Summary: Fenris and Hawke thinks back on the past six years together. Continuing from A peaceful New Year's eve, so feuturing their children, Darla and Smultron.


_"Papa?" Fenris looked up over his wife's head, that was resting on his chest. He groaned._

_"What is it Darla?" He said, "it's still night, go back to bed."_

_"I can't sleep," she said and kicked the bed with her little leg. Fenris was tired but couldn't help but chuckling. He didn't know how it could be possible for Darla to be so much like him and still be so beautiful. Smultron, his infant son, that was sleeping in the crook of his arm started stirring as Darla kicked the bed again._

_"Fenris," Hawke muttered, still asleep," baby's crying. It's your turn." Fenris kissed her forehead. Hawke was a wonderful but slightly unconventional mother and waking up during the night to wipe tears had never been her thing. Smultron had been a calm baby from the beginning, somehow he had gotten all the calm and gentle sides from his parents. Darla was the exact opposite. She was already showing signs of becoming a powerful mage, she was stubborn and wilf, fitful and adventurous. She was a sweet child, but nobody could call her gentle._

_ "Did you have a bad dream?" Fenris asked her. Even though Hawke claimed that the risk of possession was wildly exaggerated by the Chantry, Fenris still worried. He didn't want Farla locked in and he had gained a slight understanding for the plight of the mages. He couldn't say he always had compassion, but he would never again say that a mage was evil just by existing._

_"I didn't have a bad dream," Darla said, "I'm just bored. The sun is almost up."_

_Fenris opened his mouth to reply when Darla quick as a cat, jumped up on the bed and crawled up it until placing herself on Fenris' pillow next to his head._

_"Teach me to fight, papa," she whispered next to his ear, "teach me to use a sword. Mama never teaches me anything fun."_

_"That's not true," Hawke answered and opened her eyes, smiling at her husband and daughter._

_"Is so," Darla said, "I have seen you kill darkspawn with your hand or just your eyes. You have fire coming from your hands. And all you let me do is practice healing."_

_"You are six years old," Hawke said calmly, "I will teach you when your head reaches my shoulders."_

_Darla looked happy for a moment and Hawke continued._

_"And your feet has to touch to ground." Darla's face fell and Hawke chuckled mischievously._

_"You're too much like me for your own good," Hawke said, she rubbed her eyes with her knuckles and sat up._

_"Time to get up?" Fenris asked._

_"Mmmhhmm," Hawke hummed, leaned down and pressed a kiss to his lips._

_Darla made a disgusted face at their kiss but looked pleased that she didn't have to go back to sleep. Darla hated the night unless she was allowed to stay awake. Making her take a nap had always been impossible._

_Darla bounced twice next to her dad's head and then jumped through the air, landing on her mom's back. She affectionately put her arms around Hawke's neck._

_"One day, mama," she said, her voice filled with laughter, "one day I'm going to be a powerful mage and scorch all my enemies." Hawke just laughed at her._

_They were still on the run, as they had been ever since leaving Kirkwall. They were safe on the boat that Isabela had given to them before disappearing on Siren's call II. The boat was there home now and when anchored safely in a Ferelden bay, they felt safe. There had been a time when Fenris hadn't thought that this would have been possible._

* * *

It was in the scary aftermath of the fight with Meredith that Fenris had searched out Hawke. He had wanted to apologize. He had been wrong, Hawke had made the right choice. If she hadn't stood up for the mages it would have been an unjust blood bath. Mages still terrified Fenris, but he was happy that he had fought by her side.

He had gone to her mansion, at first he hadn't found her. He had made his way to her bedroom like so many times before. But this time it was different. She was sitting on her bed, her clothes still dirty and dripping with blood. She was injured, that was common, what wasn't common was the waterfall of tears that were streaming down her cheeks.

Fenris fell to her side and without a word took her into his arms, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"What's wrong?" He asked her after several minutes of silent crying. Hawke seemed to tense up and Fenris felt worried. He stroked her arm up and down with his hand, trying to get her to relax.

"I'm pregnant," she suddenly whispered, hiding her face in his neck, and then, "I'm sorry."

Fenris didn't know how to react. He hadn't been expecting it, they had been careful. He felt a wave of unfamiliar emotion when Hawke put her arms around his waist and started sobbing heavily against his neck, her short hair tickling his cheek.

"Why are you sorry?" He asked. He didn't want her to cry.

"Are you serious?" She asked, her voice muffled, still pushed into his neck. "This is the last thing we need right now. Kirkwall isn't safe without leadership, you know what it's going to be like. We need to leave and… there is no room for a baby."

Fenris didn't argue with her, he had no idea what having a baby would affect their lives. He and Hawke weren't exactly the parental types.

"It's not your fault," Fenris tried, "these things happen."

"They shouldn't" Hawke said angrily and stood up. She walked over to the fireplace and stared into the dancing flames with her back to Fenris. She mindlessly rubbed her belly. Her stomach was as flat as ever, but she knew what was in there. It was her child, hers and Fenris'.

"Maybe we should…" she didn't finish her sentence but Fenris understood what she meant.

"Whatever you want," he said, he still didn't know how he felt about it yet. All he wanted to do was support her in any way he could.

"Maker help me," Hawke said, "I want to keep her." She turned around, a protective fire burning in her eyes.

Fenris stood up as well and she grabbed his hands, placing them on her stomach. Magic was flowing up and down her arms, it ignited his lyrium and he winced in pain. He didn't pull away but let her keep them there.

"I won't stop fighting," she said.

"I would never dream of asking you to stop," Fenris said, "but darling, you need to let me go." His body was on fire and the pain was starting to make him feel weak.

"Oh!" Hawke immediately let him go and the fire left her eyes.

"Fenris, I'm so sorry," she whispered. She wanted to reach out and touch him but didn't dare. She hated that she was so capable of hurting him with a simple touch.

"It's okay," he said. He reach out and tentatively took her hand in his, ready to drop it in case his lyrium markings flared up. But it was fine. Hawke was holding her magic back. They looked at each other, neither of them could believe that two broken people like themselves had actually created a new life.

"We're alive," Hawke said. Just that had been a shock. She had known that she was pregnant for weeks but she hadn't imagined that she would survive whatever crescendo they had been building towards. She was here, breathing, with both on Orsino's and Meredith's blood on her hands.

"That we are," Fenris said, "who would have known."

"I wouldn't, that's for sure," Hawke said, sounding like herself again, "ugh, I need a bath."

Fenris chuckled softly.

"Want me to ask Bodahn to prepare the tub?"

"Please?" Hawke replied, "and Oriana knows where the towels are."

* * *

They had spent that last night in Kirkwall together, celebrating that they were alive. The next morning they had left Kirkwall on Isabela's ship with Merrill and Varric by their side. Aveline was sad to see them go but knew she couldn't leave the people of Kirkwall in this time of need.

Hawke didn't handle being pregnant very well. And the stormy sea didn't help. She spent weeks feeling ill and being angry at her body for not working the way she was used to. She had claimed that she would not stop fighting but some days she could hardly get out of bed. The few times they were attacked by pirates, Hawke stayed below deck, trusting that her lover and their friends were more than capable of handling any threat.

Her powers became uncertain, untrustworthy. Fenris could eventually not be in her proximity for his lyrium markings flared when they were in the same room. It was as if Hawke was in a constant electromagnetic field. During the last months before Darla was born only Merrill sat next to Hawke, all through the long nights, wiping her forehead and holding her as she cried. Fenris wanted to sit with her, despite the terrible pain he would have to endure, but Hawke wouldn't let him.

Darla was born, nearly a month early, during a thunderstorm. Labour was difficult and the the girl finally entered the world, the bed underneath Hawke caught on fire. In retrospect, Hawke and Fenris should have known what kind of daughter their child would be considering how her birth was.

After Darla's birth, Hawke was completely exhausted. She nursed the baby but after that Merrill took the child, cleaned her and then placed her in Fenris' arms, asking him to leave Hawke alone for a few days. She needed to rest.

Fenris would never forget the moment his daughter was placed in his arms. She was smaller than most human babies but then again she was a month early. She would need to get older before they would see if she was more elf or human. Her slightly pointy ears was definitely like Fenris' though.

"Darling," he said softly, "my little darling."

Darla wasn't named for many years. Hawke slept constantly, only waking up briefly to give Darla food. Fenris didn't think it was right of him to name the baby without her so he kept calling the litte one "darling", waiting for a time when Hawke would be well enough for them to think of a name together.

When Hawke finally started getting better and Merrill let her get up and live normally, she started calling their daughter "darling" as well. The girl turned one, two, three and she was still called "darling". It was simple. Little Darling Hawke. They sailed the seas with Isabela, Varric eventually leaving them, and Merrill moving into Isabela's cabin.

It was only when Hawke was one summer asked what her beautiful daughter was called that the word stuck in her mouth.

"Her name is Darl… a."

* * *

Darla hadn't been an easy pregnancy, not an easy birth and despite her name "darling", she had never been an easy child. Even though Hawke and Fenris loved her more than anyone or anything else in all of Thedas, neither of them were prepared or willing to go through that again. They were set on Darla being their only child.

That was when they were both almost filled with dread when they found out that Hawke was once again pregnant just after Darla's fifth birthday. Neither of them were prepared to go through that again. Hawke could only remember pain from her last pregnancy.

To their suprise, Smultron's pregnancy was nothing like the Darla's. Most days Hawke could forget that she was pregnant and go through her day like normal. She could continue fighting, she didn't have to spend her days throwing up.

* * *

"Marry me."

Hawke smiled up at Fenris. Isabela and Merrill were watching Darla, so the lovers had taken the opportunity to spend some time by themselves before the new baby came.

"Don't laugh," Fenris continued, "marry me."

Hawke had really thought that he was joking. It was not a thought that had occurred to her before. She didn't see the appeal. Just a piece of paper. Just meaningless words… but looking into Fenris' eyes, Hawke almost wanted to.

"I won't stop fighting," she said, her eyes twinkling as she repeated her words from the night that she told Fenris' she was pregnant.

"I would never dream of asking you to stop."

* * *

Whereas Darla had been born during a storm, Smultron was born in a small cabin on the Riviani coast. Merrill assisted Hawke again, but this time Fenris could be present. There was no magic in the air, only silence, quiet pain and eventually the sound of infant's cry. Smultron was born.

He was named the next day, Merrill saying something about his nose looking just like the Smultron berries she had grown up with. Fenris and Hawke had just looked at each other, both of them knowing that their son needed to be named soon, otherwise the story with Darla's name would only be repeated.

* * *

They didn't stay with Isabela and Merrill after that, the constant pirate raids were too much with two small children onboard and Isabela herself didn't look very pleased at the thought of sharing her vessel with yet another baby. Instead, in a display of great generosity, Isabela bought a small boat for them, fit to live in. After many hugs and promises to see each other soon, they parted ways.

* * *

_ Hawke stretched and stood up with Darla still clinging to her back._

_"I will teach you one thing," she said._

_"What?" Darla said excitingly, "what? What are you going to teach me?"_

_"Not to climb on your mother's back!" With that the former champion threw her daughter off of her back and onto the bed and started tickling her._


End file.
